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Thursday

Marketing Me! Funny resignation letters and emails

If levity is your aim, then make your resignation letter or email memorable.

- Use email. CC (courtesy copy) as many of your coworkers as possible.
- Be succinct, to the point and "snarky".
- Avoid seriousness.

Some exiting employees love emotional hand wringing when penning a resignation. Why bother I say? The employer is not going to take it serious and your remaining co-workers really need the humorous boost in their day.

Here is a good template:

To whom it may concern,

Please accept this notice of my resignation from Wally's Wonder Widgets affective June 1, 2008.

Although I have more than 18 days of unused vacation time, our lovely and talented HR manager Terry informed me that Wally's policy is "use 'em or lose 'em" so I guess I can kiss that time off good bye. And Wally, I have something for you to kiss as well!

Further, company policy dictates that I return all company property on or before my last day of employment. That would include my company shirt, laptop, sample case and company literature. In short, that would be next to impossible to do.

My company shirt disintegrated in the laundry the second time I washed it. I ended up making my own from an old t-shirt I had and my customers found it memorable to say the least.

My laptop conked out three weeks ago and our illustrious and oh so competent IT department managed to make it fully non-functional after seven days of ignoring it so they could play Half Life during work hours. I have been making do in the meantime with a legal pad, a calculator and text messaging on my cell phone.

My sample case was emptied months ago. I gave all of my working Wonder Widgets to customers who still had not received their orders or whose orders included non-functioning units. The sample case does make an attractive carrying case for my legal pad and calculator though!

As for company literature, I have been leaving that in the toilet because we have been out of toilet paper for some time.

Please forward my final paycheck to my home address on file although I would prefer to be paid in cash before exiting the building. You can pay me from the executive secretaries' cash box located at her desk. I have noticed that our CEO, Wally, has a habit of helping himself to the box on a regular basis so I assume that won't be a problem.

I would thank you for the opportunity at Wally's Wonder Widgets, but my therapist suggests that I put negative events in my life behind me and instead focus on the positive merits of unemployment.

Sincerely happy,

Your name,

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