Marketing Me! Funny resignation letters and emails

If levity is your aim, then make your resignation letter or email memorable.

- Use email. CC (courtesy copy) as many of your coworkers as possible.
- Be succinct, to the point and "snarky".
- Avoid seriousness.

Some exiting employees love emotional hand wringing when penning a resignation. Why bother I say? The employer is not going to take it serious and your remaining co-workers really need the humorous boost in their day.

Here is a good template:

To whom it may concern,

Please accept this notice of my resignation from Wally's Wonder Widgets affective June 1, 2008.

Although I have more than 18 days of unused vacation time, our lovely and talented HR manager Terry informed me that Wally's policy is "use 'em or lose 'em" so I guess I can kiss that time off good bye. And Wally, I have something for you to kiss as well!

Further, company policy dictates that I return all company property on or before my last day of employment. That would include my company shirt, laptop, sample case and company literature. In short, that would be next to impossible to do.

My company shirt disintegrated in the laundry the second time I washed it. I ended up making my own from an old t-shirt I had and my customers found it memorable to say the least.

My laptop conked out three weeks ago and our illustrious and oh so competent IT department managed to make it fully non-functional after seven days of ignoring it so they could play Half Life during work hours. I have been making do in the meantime with a legal pad, a calculator and text messaging on my cell phone.

My sample case was emptied months ago. I gave all of my working Wonder Widgets to customers who still had not received their orders or whose orders included non-functioning units. The sample case does make an attractive carrying case for my legal pad and calculator though!

As for company literature, I have been leaving that in the toilet because we have been out of toilet paper for some time.

Please forward my final paycheck to my home address on file although I would prefer to be paid in cash before exiting the building. You can pay me from the executive secretaries' cash box located at her desk. I have noticed that our CEO, Wally, has a habit of helping himself to the box on a regular basis so I assume that won't be a problem.

I would thank you for the opportunity at Wally's Wonder Widgets, but my therapist suggests that I put negative events in my life behind me and instead focus on the positive merits of unemployment.

Sincerely happy,

Your name,

Marketing Me! Goodbye email at work, Seth Godin and farewells

From the great Seth Godin on his blog..

It seems to me that you ought to say goodbye with the same care and attention to detail and honesty you use to say hello. You never know when you'll be back.

So remember, when leaving the job, skip the blame, accusations, gossip and rumors. Stay positive, be real and be prepared if you have to come back!

Marketing Me! The Exit Interview

If you have been following the subject here at Marketing Me! we have been covering resignation letters and goodbye emails. Naturally, what follows the resignation is the possibility of an exit interview.

For more background, check out this informative article at Job Search Tech. For the personal branding and self marketing spin, stay tuned here on Marketing Me!

First, I have never, ever done an exit interview. When I leave, I submit my resignation letter, send my goodbye emails to colleagues and customers, and depart taking with me unused vacation and a final check.

I am never in the building long enough for HR to tackle me and put me through the interrogation process of an exit interview.

First, the idea that an exit interview will improve conditions at any workplace is a farce. Most companies know that most jobs are commodities as are the people who fill them. Thus, the value of a soon-to-be-former-employee's thoughts on the rest room and vacation policy is wishful thinking at best. Today's employers simply don't care.

Next, I worry about the liability of an exit interview. Will the employer come after me with competitive clauses? Will they force me to sign documents which limit my ability to make a living or contacting my customers? Will the employer try and trap me into signing away something I have earned such as unused personal time or a commission check?

Finally, if one is truly a valuable employee, the HR department will not be interviewing him or her. Rather, a senior manager, director or even the CEO will be speaking with the soon to be departed. And their goal will be to retain them and that is the real goal for any one self marketing. Desire.

Take the exit interview with a grain of salt. If corralled into the interview, smile, answer politely and avoid incriminating yourself at every turn. If necessary, insist that a supervisor be present at the interview to corroborate any information put forth. Some might even go as far as to reschedule the exit interview at such time that legal council could be present. It's your call.

Until then, happy hunting.

Marketing Me! The sudden resignation

A business bug out bag, resignation is better than termination, and leaving on your terms, not theirs.. Read more.

It can happen to any one at any time..

The human resource director walks in your office with another member of the staff and asks for a quick meeting. Thinking you are doing a great job and increasing the company revenue, you have no reason to be suspicious.

You follow the HR director to a nearby conference room where, upon seating, are informed your services are no longer needed at the company. Kicked in the gut, you struggle for breath and barely hear the terms of your serverance package explained to you.

Fifteen minutes later, you find yourself shoving personal possessions into an empty copy machine paper box and then being escorted to the front door.

Could this have been avoided? Sure. But get ready...

First, in today's business world, EVERY DAY COULD BE YOUR LAST DAY. Nobody is "safe" any longer. Layoffs, downsizing, cutbacks, all could happen at any time regardless of the health of the company or the market.

Stop thinking you are OK and the other guy is going to get it. Everyone is vulnerable.

Therefore, it is imperitive that you plan for this possibility constantly. In the "end of the world" survival community. members are encouraged to maintain a Bug Out Bag (BOB) at all times. In the business world, you should do the same.

Here are the contents of your BBOB - Business Bug Out Bag.

- Have backups of all correspondence, contracts and emails on a portable device. USB thumb drives are cheap and easy to use.
- Have a complete and current list of all customer and business contacts available. I recommend using a PDA type device such as a Blackberry or Palm Pilot. Update DAILY from your CRM license and you are assured of having the latest and greatest asset available at all times. Purchase the phone and PDA; do not use the company hardware.
- Your own laptop, if possible. Some companies allow employees to use their own computing hardware for work. Do this and save yourself a step or two.
- Copies of company literature of products or services you represented.
- Any intellectual property you created for the company or to drive revenue growth such as mailing lists, web sites, or press releases.

The final piece you should always have on hand is a resignation letter with the date left blank.

Why?

If the company is in trouble or you know the chopping block is looming, leave on your terms, not theirs. A resignation is far better than a termination any day.

The most successful people I know have never been laid off. They left before or during a stressful situation generally to another position they had already lined up and had in place. When the situation at work went south, they prepared their resignation letter and made their exit.

Typically, your resignation letter should be terse and to the point.

An example..

This letter is to inform [Company X] that Tuesday, October 30, 2007 will be my final day. Please make arrangements for my final paycheck and unused accrued holiday time to be paid on that day or an arranged date.

Upon my departure, all correspondence may be sent to my home address at xxxx...

Thank you,


Never put any personal or professional reasons for leaving a company. Your resignation letter will be placed on file and may be used at a future date. Leave no paper trail too large to cover!

Finally, be prepared to explain clearly why you resigned. Make this a 30 second speech (elevator speech) and practice reciting it. An example..

"Yes, I was with [Company X] for several years. However, there were some internal and external changes occuring with the company at the time which helped me in my decision to move on to other opportunities."

Never go into longer explanations about a former company. There is no reason to and to do so could possibly brand you as a complainer and malcontent.

Rather focus on the value you bring to your next company. And if you planned your BBOB correcttly, you will have the evidence and references to back it up.

Marketing Me! Goodbye farewell work email and letters

Since this post a few weeks ago, the traffic on this subject has been higher than ever before.

This leads me to a few observations..

1) More people are changing jobs which precludes the need for an exit email to coworkers. And people changing jobs is right in line with what the experts have been saying for a couple of decades now - "People are changing jobs and careers more frequently".

2) More people are putting some thought into what they say and how they say it.

3) I think more people are trying to "make a statement" about everything in their life and that includes exits.

The sales administrator at my company (How did we let her get away!???) penned an email to a handful of close co-workers on her final day. It was personable, funny and non-offensive. It went something like this...

All,

On my last day, I wanted to let all of you know how much I enjoyed working with you and getting to know each of you. I wish nothing but the best for all of you and the company. Once I get settled in, I will send you my new contact information. And don't worry, I will not be a stranger! Plan on seeing me from time to time for lunch or drinks or whatever! I feel like Dorothy saying goodbye to the Tin Man, Scarecrow and Cowardly Lion. Although I am going somewhere good, please know that each of you touched me and helped me grow professionally in your own way. I will miss you.

All the best,

You get the idea.

Now here is the worse thing you can say in a goodbye email at work:

I am outta here! Before the door hits me on the way out, (and don't think it was my idea!), let me pass on a few things to some of you. Those of you who are good, and you know who you are, I love you and hope things go your way someday. This company does not deserve you. (Big shout out to the second shift, btw!). As for Mr. You Know Who, karma is a pain. (Couldn't happen to a nicer guy!). And for you, Miss Busy Body, who you gonna talk about now? Huh? Guess what? We all know about the copy room!

Any how, if any of you make it uptown, stop by [Company] and look me up. We can grab a drink or something and I will let you cry on my shoulder.

On to bigger and better things, my brothers and sisters! Peace out!

Night and day.

You make the call. Like I said earlier, goodbye and farewell emails at work are overrated in my book. Let your work and reputation stand in its place instead.

But if you have to make a farewell address to the troops, do it with some dignity and with your heart in the right place; not on your sleeve.

Happy hunting,

Marketing Me! Goodbye letters and emails

Saw this on Jobacle today. All about goodbye emails at the office.

There are some great points included in this entry and if you are about to leave the present position and are the type to share your thoughts with the department or company at large - please visit this site first!

I have seen my fair share of goodbye emails - fortunately, I never sent one myself. Goodbye emails are sappy emotional outbursts which do more harm than good.

First, you are leaving the company/job. Once gone, you will be remembered, in most cases, for about five minutes after your exit.

Second, a wise man once counselled, "let your reputation grow hair before you brag about it". In other words, let your name become legend amongst former co-workers - if you were worth it.

Next, why are you marketing yourself to former co-workers? After all, sending that goodbye email is exactly what you are trying to do; making sure nobody forgets you or the valuable contributions you made. If you were so valuable, your work speaks for itself.

Finally, don't leave former co-workers with anything which might be misconstrued or could be used against you in the future. A goodbye email fraught with emotion and tears might be remembered as a sign of a demented unstable person. Not the type of referral you had planned on.

Here is the secret. Put in your notice, be pleasant and go away. You will be much more happy if you follow this advice.

Happy hunting!